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Welcome back, welcome back…welcome back! It’s been a while. Almost a year to the day (plus two). Life has been pretty topsy turvy for most of us. And for me, as much as I love writing, I’ve just been caught up with well…life. I realized that trying to post on a regular, pre-scheduled timeline just doesn’t work for me. This also bleeds over into sending newsletters. So I took that weight off of my shoulders and decided that I won’t try to post regularly. I will simply post if and when I feel like I have something helpful to share with you all. That being said, there are couple of new posts that you will see rolling out very soon because sooooooooooooooo much has been going on. Here’s a quick rundown on what I’ve been up to and what you can expect to see next.
What I’ve Been Up To Over the last couple of months, I’ve taken a step back from non-essential work and activities to really focus in on me. This time has allowed me to reconnect with myself and my body. I realize that in order to help others, I have to help myself first AND be the example. . . and that starts with taking better care of me. I hope to share more about that in the near future.
Here’s A Few Other Highlights: • 8 amazing ladies entrusted me to lead them on their competitive pole journey and they slayed the stage at PSO Space City. #proudpolemama • I’ve been honored to serve as judge for multiple PSO online events and I’m working on getting an additional judging certification so that I can be even better at my craft. • I finally completed my Trapeze Teacher Training! • I’ve done four performances and one competition this year and I’m preparing for a 4th. (Details coming your way soon). • I’m teaching an Acro Chair Happy Hour at Shine in November. • I just completed my new Beginner Pole Ebook and am preparing to release it. • I gave the FlexyFit.Co website some much needed TLC. It’s cleaner, more mobile friendly and easier to navigate.
What’s On the Horizon: • The next Basic AF will be dropping soon. This series will focus on climbing mechanics. • Freestyle Friday is coming back! • I will continue to make scheduling improvements and am hop to add a few more online classes. Right now you can take Spinergy, Flexology and Pole’Ography with me online. • I’m putting the final touches on the Active Recovery workshop and will post dates soon.
You’re in a groove, making moves and gains, and then suddenly out of no where. . .OUCH! Injury with a side of setback leaves you sidelined in your life, and throwing a massive wrench in your physical and mental game. I’ve heard and experienced this more times than I can count. If you’re like most (myself included) an injury brings everything to an immediate and painstaking halt. And I know you’re wondering, well what else can I do, other than stop? The answer: sooooo much more than we think! This is a long read, but stick with me, it will be worth it!
Too often we make our injuries and recovery way worse than it has to be. YES, you read that right. WE often worsen our own recovery process. You see, when we can’t do what we want to do and have been doing, we tend to just stop doing anything. And that’s the worst thing we can do. To make matters even worse, we often pair that with an increased dosage of bad food and beverage choices as a means to “sooth” our pain. BIG F’ing mistake!
My Injury Credentials
So what should you do?
I’m glad you asked! Before I tell you, let’s back this up for a second and review my injury credentials (insert sad laugh here). I’m no stranger to injury and setback. I’ve had more than I care to count. 4 broken feet, foot surgery, a broken rib, a displaced knee, sprains, strains, concussions, partial rotator cuff tear, and bursitis in my hip. . .just to name a few. But let’s talk about the one that taught me the most: The Car Accident. . .
2017 was my year – 1st place win at PSO! 2018 I was still on a roll, having just earned my Pro card at USPDF, I was feeling unstoppable. In addition to being at the top of my pole game, I was also in the best shape of my life. Then November 28, 2018, in a matter of seconds. . .I lost it all. While driving to work, a car slammed into us instantly robbing me of all I had worked for and achieved. My right knee slammed into the dash sending a jolt of pain up my right side. My body whipped forward, my seatbelt snapped me back. The result? The entire loss of strength and range of motion in my right arm. I went from someone that could deadlift on a spin pole to barely being able to lift my arm up to dress or wave hi. Who knew that an accident with no blood, no deployed airbags, and that I literally walked away from could still cause so much damage to the body. WTF?!?!?
Was it my worst injury?
That’s hard to say when I’ve had so many injuries and setbacks. What I will say is that this was the one that I feel took the most from me. It completely stopped my career as a competitor, it impacted my teaching, it interfered with my workouts, and almost robbed me of my future – well at least that’s how I felt at the time. But it’s also the one where I learned the most, not just about myself and my body, but about rehab and recovery in general. So I’m sharing with you what I’ve learned about injuries, the recovery process and what you can do to help yourself not fall too far off the trail.
This post is a two-for-one serving of me trying to make some sense out of dealing with injury and setback, and letting those of you currently in this phase know that you’re not alone. And when I say injury, I mean any sort of a planned or unplanned setback that forces you on the bench for an extended period of time: this could also include a planned surgery or procedure, extended cold/illness, chronic migraines, chronic pain, pregnancy, etc.
Two Parts To Recovery
Recovery is made up of two parts: the mental and the physical. Both are equally important and must be nurtured in order to make a full recovery.
Let’s Get Mental
Often the mental aspect is the hardest part. However, it is also the key to an easier and quicker recovery. Negative emotions slow and clog the body, and generate more negativity. Don’t get me wrong, it’s frustrating when you’re forced to stop. Unable to practice, train, perform, and progress. And dealing with these feelings of frustration can make or break your recovery. It’s easy to say: “don’t let it get to you”, but we’re human. We feel. We suffer. We mourn. So cry your tears and shout your shouts, but then take a deep breath and remember that in time we will heal. So the sooner we get focused and committed to that healing, the closer we’ll be to it. Mind-body connection is real y’all! Mental healing is vita because when we take time to heal mentally, it positively enhances and supports your physical recovery. The body is a resilient and incredible machine that often comes back better and stronger IF you give it the right TLC. So here’s a few things you can do to help your mental recovery game:
• Use what you *think* you lost as a motivation to help you get it back.
• Focus your mind on your goals and what you can (still) do.
• Practice positive self-talk.
• Talk your feelings out to a trustworthy friend/family member, therapist or vent in a journal.
• Participate in activities that make you happy to help fight depression – which is a common, natural and nasty side effect to injury.
Do these things regularly and allow them to be the light in your life lighting the path of recovery to get you back to where you want to be.
Let’s Get Physical
The second part of recovery is the Physical journey. This is where the body mends and heals. This is where you need to be active and involved. So many times we just sit back like passengers on a road trip when it comes to our recovery. PASSengers are PASSive. . .don’t be! You must take an active interest in your recovery. Most doctors and rehab teams are concerned with getting you back to a baseline of functionality. However, for many, this is short of what you need for decent daily movement. And if you’re an athlete, aerialist, or live any sort of active lifestyle, then this seriously well below the standard of what you need for daily living. So here’s what you can do to be active in your physical recovery:
• Learn about your injury. Was there a root cause or was it a freak accident? If it was a freak accident, do you understand what the injury is? If not, ask ALL of the questions. Look up names of affected body parts (muscles, ligaments, tendons, organs, etc). Find out how the injury impacts your body, including what additional ailments and side effects it can lead to. If there was a root cause: faulty movement patterns, patten overload, cumulative injury cycle, lack of proper recovery practice, then these are things that need to be addressed before you hop back into your regular routine. If not, you’ll end up reinjured.
• Seek out specialists and second opinions in situations of surgery. Often there may be more solutions than the ones initially presented. Surgery isn’t always the best option, and it is a body-trauma of its own. You may even have to look outside of Western medicine. Holistic health is a game changer in many cases!
• Learn about the recovery and rehab. Often giving it time to heal and surgery are as far as doctor-patient care goes. However, I think rehab is essential for just about every injury. Sadly, it is something that is often not suggested, prescribed or required. And when it is offered or recommend, too often comes in the form of an outdated handout with stick figures in random stretches 👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽.
• Research any medications (prescription and over-the-counter) and supplements you may be required or desire to take.
• Talk to other people that have had the same injury. Find out about their experience, recovery, doctors/specialists, tools and any other feedback they are willing to share.
Another reason to get involved in your recovery is because not all care is equal. Doctors, surgical team, physio/rehab team, post rehab coach come in different levels of experience, know-how and helpfulness. There are so many things that affect the quality and amount of care that we get and have access to: insurance or lack thereof, sex, race, class, where you live, etc. So with these things playing a part in your recovery and care, it’s even more important to be involved.
Where I Went Wrong In The Past
Learn From My Mistakes
It’s so easy to blame my accident or past injuries for things like my weight gain, loss of flexibility and lost of skills, but the truth is my habits during my sidelined time really created the perfect opportunity for those issues to arise. I could have done better, and being a trainer myself (and a repeat offender), I definitely should have known better. The truth is, I kept eating the same amount of food, even though my body wasn’t doing the same amount of activity to handle or burn those calories. Eating more + moving less = weight gain. I also indulged in some sweet, comforting treats. My drinking also increased (tons of empty calories), because hey, what else am I supposed to do when I’m in timeout 🤷🏽♀️. A little bit of self control would have gone a long way. Take it from me, don’t try to sooth the pain and frustration of injury with what you put in your mouth – it will backfire and you will pay for it on the backend.
While most times I did continue my gym workouts in a modified and safe format, I wasn’t always working as hard as I could. I fell short on my personal flexibility, mobility and pole practice. And when I say fell short, I mean I basically ceased all solo practice. I learned no new skills/moves, taught only what my body already knew and demoed as little as possible. Even worse, I wasn’t told to rehab, so I didn’t. No wonder I regressed so much and basically felt like I was starting over each time.
Fast forward to Covid. While it wasn’t an injury, it was definitely a setback that sidelined us all. And with my shoulder still not 100% recovered, I’m team 🚫 NO new setbacks.🚫 So instead of falling back to old habits, I made it a point to continue my workouts to the best of my ability. I started my Quaranteam home-workout squad and limited my junk intake. I was able to keep off new weight, aka that “Quarantine-15” and even make some impressive strength gains. Knowing how I could make things worse, I opted to make things better for myself considering the circumstances. Even with so much out of our control, we must focus on the things that we do have control over.
How to Not Lose All Your Gains
Here’s what I’ve learned: • Heal fully. Don’t rush it. Broken bones, torn muscles, ligaments and tendons, anything with broken skin…these things take time to heal and there’s no way around that. Putting your body back in commission before its ready is like a baby being born to early. You’re not fully developed and strong, which can lead to further complications.
• Avoid emotional and excessive eating. Maintaining your gains is not just about working out. You want to avoid gaining pounds of unnecessary weight through poor eating habits simply because you can’t move like you want to. Our eating habits play a huge roll in how far setback can go. Injury recovery is a crucial time to keep (or start getting) your eating on track. What we aren’t able to do in exercise or our sport, we can partially make up for with better eating habits.This may require you to eat a bit cleaner than your used to, but it will be worth it in the end. It’s not about following a strict diet, it’s about making better choices during your recovery.
• Keep moving! Do the workouts and activities that you can do, even if it’s not what or as much as you normally do. For example, if you have a leg or foot injury, don’t just skip the gym entirely because you’re unable to do lower body workouts. Instead, focus on upper body workouts and when you can incorporate some no-to-low impact activities such as cycling, swimming or aerial yoga to get you back in the swing of things. Likewise, if you have a hand or arm injury, hit the treadmill or do some lower body and core work.
• Help your body heal by rehabbing on your own. Be sure to do all of the *helpful* rehab exercises you’ve been given or have thoroughly researched. Do them all and do them regularly. Ice, heat, therabands and SMR tools are priceless! (Check out my go-to tools.)
• Reintegrate slowly. Once you’re cleared to move and workout be sure to strengthen the injured area. A weak body part doesn’t pull its own weight and can lead to compensations, synergistic dominance, lack of balance and body synergy and more injury. It’s important to supplement your strength with stability & mobility in the injured area. Often stability and mobility work may need to come before strength work.
• Don’t start where you stopped. It’s important to recognize the effects of inactivity and how it will impacts strength, endurance and coordination. It’s unsafe to try and jump back into the level of training we were at pre-injury. So take the time to reconnect with your bodies and reconnect your bodies with skills. It would be even better to revisit the basics and reinforce your foundation. This will help awaken your muscle memory in a safe and supportive manner.
• Get a trainer. You’ll probably have to do some searching, but find a professional that specializes in or has some experience with your injury or injuries in general. You may also consider seeking out a post rehab specialist or a corrective exercise specialist (HINT: That’s what I do 🙋🏾♀️).Or at the very least, find a trainer that thinks out of the box and is willing to help you find creative and safe ways to work around your injury. I was lucky to find one early on that helped me safely work around my bodily disabilities. Trust me when I say it makes ALL the difference.
So there you have it. You might be injured, but all is not lost. You can limit losses, improve your recovery and make your body more resilient in the long run. If you’re injured or have just be benched for too long and are ready to jump back in but need help getting started give me a shout. I can help you figure out what you can do, what you should do and create a recovery and rehab plan to keep you in the game.
I’ll start this off by saying that as a trainer, it might seem weird that I’m writing this. I mean, it does seem a little backward to be sharing alternatives to hiring a trainer, but my goal is to help others improve their health and wellness – and not just collect money. So I decided to share a few alternatives to explore for those that want to workout, but don’t have the coins to invest in a trainer just yet.
Now before I hop into those alternatives, I want to take a moment to address a few of the objections that I hear on the regular:
“Trainers are too expensive.”
“I can’t afford a trainer”
” Do you think a trainer is worth the money?”
These are just a few of the objections I hear way too often from people. Most times these questions and statements come as an excuse as to why people think they “can’t” get or have a trainer. And if you know me you know that I HATE the “C” word. The fact of the matter is that many of us find comfort and security in these types of statements because it provides and false validation to what is really just an excuse. So the first thing I’d say is to look at your priorities then if you determine that personal training isn’t in your budget, continue on to the following alternatives.
Where Are Your Priorities?
Too often when people say that they can’t afford personal training it’s because they don’t prioritize it. Somehow we seem to find the money for trips, entertainment subscriptions, drinking and partying, clothing, hair, nails, brows, lashes, etc., however, that well seems to run dry when it comes to investing in a personal trainer. If you were to analyze your spending and cut out some of those non-essentials, many of us would find the money that could be invested in personal training. So often, the investment in personal training starts with a little personal accounting and reprioritizing.
Now, that being said, life and living are expensive these days, and for many families, there’s not often anything extra after housing, utilities, food, insurance, and other essential bills. So if a lack of funds is truly the issue then read on to see 5 easy alternatives you can do to help you get and stay in shape when you can’t afford personal training.
Get Active
Start by just being active. That means to find simple ways to move more. This could be going for a walk, jog or hike outdoors. There are plenty of trails and nature preserves that you can visit. You can also replace passive tasks for active ones. For example, the simple practice of taking the stairs instead of the elevator or parking further away in parking lots instead of always going for that close-to-the entry spot.
Look For Free Resources Online
In this era of everyone trying to make a name for themselves and become “Instafamous” it has created an opportunity for consumers to get access to endless resources for free. Now, not everything is of the best or safest quality so pursue with caution. But there are a lot of hidden gems and helpful people out there. There are so many free workouts available for download, on YouTube, on Instagram, Facebook groups, etc. Take advantage of theses. The motivation, accountability and consistency will be up to you, but you’ll have the tools you need to stay active.
Get A Gym Membership
Gym memberships are more affordable these days, especially with places like Plant Fitness that have low monthly dues. You can get in the gym and workout on your own or check out some of the free group classes that are offered. While you’re there, you may also see about a consult/assessment to help point you in the right direction and keep you on track – many times you can get the first one free.
There’s An App For That!
There are lots of free and paid apps in the App store that you can get workouts from. Fitbit and the Nike Training App are great examples! They have lots of free workouts and paid subscription options that you can follow along with and don’t require any equipment and can usually be done in 30 minutes or less.
In The Kitchen
If you’re still insistent that working out or working with a trainer aren’t possible, you still have another option. You control what goes in your mouth! Working out is only part of getting in shape and being healthy. Your diet is an even bigger part of that healthy equation. There’s plenty of things you can do to consume healther options:
Make it a goal to consume more produce and fresh goods instead of processed foods.
Cook at home instead of fast food and drive-throughs.
Drink more water and cut out sodas and juices.
Limit your alcohol intake (it’s just empty calories).
So there you have it! Five easy things you can start today to help you stay on track with your fitness goals, when personal training isn’t an option. Of course, with Covid still an issue make sure that you’re being safe in anything you decide to do.
No, that wasn’t a typo. You read it right. Wait training…it’s a thing. Well, if it’s not, it definitely should be! So I’m officially making it A THING! So let’s get to work on our WAIT TRAINING! If you want to be successful in anything you need to master Wait Training.
What is WAIT TRAINING?
Wait training involves developing consistency through patience and persistence. This requires you to wait and go through the process, instead of trying to rush it. I said all that to say: actually doing the work and allowing that work TO WORK.
The truth is, most people need wait training more than anything. Advancements in technology have only increased demands and decreased our patience and understanding of processes. Machines can be spead up, bodies and minds… not so much. At least not in the same mechanical way. Our growth comes through improving our habits, thoughts and actions. These things done on a regular, consistent basis lead to change.
TIME + PATIENCE = WAIT TRAINING
Making a change in your life, especially when it comes to health, fitness and wellness takes time – again, we are NOT machines. Contrary to what you see on social media, get-fit-quick infomercials, and cookie cutter workout programs designed by genetically gifted or surgically altered socialites, there is nothing that’s going to get you to the finish line any sooner. If it does, trust that not only is it NOT sustainable, but it will likely come with some nasty and costly side effects. That’s right, forget what you’ve seen, heard and possibly already wasted money on. There is NO
Magic pill
Flat tummy tea
Cream
Overnight hack
10-minutes a day workout
All-in-one fat smoother/blaster tool
Squeeze your guts waist trainer
or any of these other heavily socially promoted tools and hacks that bombard us that’s going to get you to the finish line any sooner.
It takes work and time. So work on your WAIT training. Accept that whatever you want is going to take time and it should if you want it to be sustainable and maintainable. Learn to wait, work and earn what it is you want. Only then will you be able to get and keep your gains.
By now you all know about my transformation. The physical aspect is what you and see, and that’s where it started, but there’s been so much more to it. When I say my entire life has transformed, my entire life is a complete 180 from anything I ever thought it would be AND I FREAKING LOVE IT! The best part about it is that you too can achieve change and create a life that you love. So I want to share with you, five secrets to help you get over the hump or slump that you may feel trapped in so that you can achieve your own body, career or life transformation.
Time = Life. If you are wasting your time, you are wasting your life. The time is always NOW. Most people don’t get started because they are waiting for a better time or an easier way. Newsflash: there will never be a better time and there will never be an easier way. So break free from what’s holding you back and get started. Your future self will thank you for making the most of your time and your life.
2. There’s no magic pill and when it comes to success, very little has to do with “luck”. EVERYTHING takes work. There’s no instant or overnight successes. Even the things that seem lucky had a bunch of little elements put into place ahead of time to set up those “lucky” circumstances. The only way to get what you want is to go after it and do the work. Will it be easy? No, not always. BUT, it WILL BE WORTH IT!
3. Investing in yourself is not an expense: It is an INVESTMENT. There’s nothing in your life better or more worthy of your money, time, attention and love than YOU. Take a chance on you, because if you wont’ nobody will. Invest in you and it will pay off (but it will take a little bit of hard work as well).
4. Make yourself a priority. Yes, that means putting yourself FIRST (Gasp!) and taking time out for yourself. When there’s something you want to do: vacation, go to the doctor, get your nail or hairs done you set time aside and/or make an appointment for it. Do the same for you and your goals. Want to get in shape? Finish a book? Complete your degree? Learn a new craft or trade? Make a reoccurring appointment with yourself daily/weekly/monthly…whatever the time required to achieve that goal. Then schedule everything else in life AROUND that YOU TIME. Life, the people in it and the other things that need to get done will adjust to your priorities only when you do.
5. Change comes from habits. The way to achieve change (or not to change) is found in your daily habits. Write down your goals and what you want your life to look like. Then take a look at your daily habits, actually, write those down too. Then see if your daily habits are leading you towards or away from your goals? If they aren’t helping you then they are hurting you and it’s time to change those habits into ones that will get you closer to what you do want.
So there you have it. These 5 secrets have been my own personal goldmine and I am happy that I can share them with you. Now, it’s time to get out of your own way and start getting what you want out of life and for yourself. Make note of these secrets, refer to them often, ask for help, share with others and let’s make change happen!
I interrupt our regularly scheduled program to have a much needed chat about age. There seems to be this ridiculous notion surrounding age that implies that 30 is the end, and that all the things worth doing should and have to be done before 30. Where in the hell did this even come from? Why is it that people, especially us women, think that once we hit a certain age that life is suddenly over? This premise is beyond flawed. What is it about 30 that makes people think that life just suddenly comes to an end? Like somehow you are a modern day Cinderella and at the stroke of midnight your whole life turns into a pumpkin begins to decay and what remains of you just withers away over the remaining years. This is just another part of the outdated narrative of someone else’s view on life.
And ask yourself why the age 30?
It could just as easily be 35. Why not 40 or 45? How about 50? Why was this age chose and better yet, why does it seem to be set in proverbial stone?
Some say it’s the beauty industry. It’s true, the nonstop imagery and threat of wrinkles, crows feet, under eye bags, receding hairlines and thinning hair is more than enough to force us to open our wallets in hopes of preserving our youth and reversing the effects of age. This scare tactic is part of marketing. The earlier they can hook us, the longer they potentially have a customer. Well they are right about one thing, start a beauty care regimen sooner rather than later is great because like the medical field, an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure!
Others say it’s the medical industry. We hear things like have kids young in your 20’s because you’re high risk pregnancy after the age of 30…but is it really? The chances are, if you are high risk at 30 you were likely already high risk at 25 and will be at 35. That risk is more often associated with your overall health, medical and family history, wellness and lifestyle. Age is only ONE factor. It is one factor amongst many many other factors. It is correlation, not causation. There are and have been plenty of women over the age of 30 that have hand had children without complications, just as there are plenty of women under the age of 30 that have had complications.
And what countless other ages and false narratives that we blindly allow to dictate our lives? It’s time to let those go!
You aren’t too old to go back to school
You still have time to learn a new craft
You do not need to own a house by a certain age or ever
You don’t need to be married by a certain age
You don’t have to have a baby by a certain age or a total of 2.5 kids for the perfect family
Other than driving age 16 – vroom vroom, legal age – Aye 18, and drinking age 21 – whoot whoot, everything else really is just a number with an adjustable timeline. And in reality, the only the weight and merit that these other ages have over us is what we allow it to control and dictate in our lives.I think Aalyiah said it best, “Age ain’t nothing but a number”. It can be a general guideline, but it is far from law. If you are going to affix a timeline or an age to a goal, milestone or destination in life then let it be because you chose to do so because it keeps you from procrastinating or it lights a fire under your ass to get shit done, and NOT because someone somewhere in drunkin history said it should be that way.
So where did this idea of “by this age” come from?
Honestly who knows. Although, it’s actually far more likely that most of these age notions are based off of outdated history and tradition. Times like the 1900’s, Renaissance England and other patriarchal societies (and even still today in some cultures) where women were mere dependents that had parents who wanted to marry them off to the highest, most worthy bidder and then married and bore children young.
Ladies, we are soooooooooooo far beyond this time and limiting beliefs to continue to bound ourselves to these ideas and allow them to dictate our lives.
Hell science and medicine and our pay grade is so much better now! Times have changed hunty! So quit letting strangers (and hell even people you know) dictate your life and where THEY THINK you should be in it. They have their own lives to live, ruin or flourish in. Let them focus on them and you do you. We’ll all be much happier that way.
Let’s not fear age or aging
With age comes growth, wisdom and a better capacity for handling life. I don’t know anyone that has regressed in intelligence and wisdom. As the years pass, we continue to learn and grow. So wouldn’t we want as much growth as possible in our corner backing us before jumping into a big life altering change like buying a house, having a baby, getting married, etc.? You often see posts on social media that say something like: What advice would you give to your 20-year old self? Or to another young lady or young man to help them?
I know that any of use, myself included, could come up with more than a handful of things to share with another person and about a billion things we would tell and warn our younger selves about to change the outcomes of past decision and situations. Now, if you can sit there and honestly say that there is nothing you would do differently, nothing you would tell yourself, then congratulations you are the exception. However if you’re like most people, you can think of at least three key things, pieces of advice or warnings you’d tell your younger self that would have drastically altered your life. And it is those very things that are the reason why making BIG life choices so early in life isn’t ideal and why we shouldn’t bound ourselves to age.
Doing things younger isn’t always the answer let alone the best answer. It is with age that we get experience and wisdom. Somethings are better when you’re older and we all truly need to take as much time as we individually require to grow, explore and figure ourselves out. Do you even know who you are and what YOU want in life? What can you really do with kids, a mortgage, a spouse when you haven’t finished learning, growing and figuring yourself out.
School is back in session and it’s time to major in YOU-Ology. If you really want to be good at something you have to learn it, study it, practice it, become invested in it. The same is true of yourself. If you want to master your life, you must first master you. When you study yourself, you can understand yourself and then reconnect with yourself. Why is this necessary? Well, if you aren’t clear about YOU then how can you really be clear about anyone else or anything else you encounter in life? How do you know that you are moving in a direction that’s best for you and actually what you want? If I had to guess, I’d say that the majority of us are walking around as fractures of ourselves and don’t even know it. We have an idea of what we want, we may even know who we want to be, but we’re afraid to reveal our truth… not just to the world, but to ourselves. This lack of selfawareness is NOT serving us. So let’s get back to the basics.
Studying YOU
It’s’ time to become a student of yourself and rediscover (or recreate) who you are and want to be. I want you to think about and then answer the following questions. Don’t just read them, actually think about them and write down the answers.
What do you like?
What don’t you like?
What do you want in life?
What don’t you want in life?
What will you tolerate?
What won’t you tolerate?
Do you find yourself tolerating things that you said you wouldn’t or that require you to compromise yourself or your beliefs?
How do you want to be seen? Do people see you that way?
How do you want to be treated? Do others treat you how you want to be treated?
What are your goals in life?
What motivates you?
What demotivates you?
What is standing in the way of where you are now and where you wish to be? How close are you to where you really want to be?
If you could wake up tomorrow living your dream life, what would that look like? How close does that resemble your current life?
There will be much more self-reflection and personal surveying in the near future, this is just our starting point!
Understanding YOU
Once you finish, go back to review your answers and then answer them again. Dig a little deeper this time. Look beyond the initial answer and explore the reasoning and the why behind it. For example: You might have said: “I like to be treated with respect and not talked crazy to.” (That’s reasonable!) However, you find that others don’t treat you the way you want to be treated.
Now, is that because they are mean, not understanding or disconnected from your needs? Possibly, but the most important answer (and the only one that matters) is that you allow them to treat you that way. Everything starts and ends with you. Once you realize this and set the course to change you’ll find that new doors in life open up. To help get you started, I want to share some of the most common root issues I’ve identified about what we need to understand about ourselves and what is keeping us from getting what we want out of life:
You don’t speak your truth.
You fail to establish rules or requirements.
You fail to enforce those rules and requirements.
You are scared to set boundaries.
You settle for what is offered/given instead of demanding what you want and are worth.
You may not even realize your worth.
You may be scared of being judged or not liked.
You may be worried about people and things that honestly don’t matter as much as we think they do.
You aren’t really sure or clear on what it is you want and the things we think we want are usually what society has convinced us we need (more on this topic later!).
The truth is, that we (especially women) most often just accept the treatment we are given. That is the root of the issue. And what is what needs to be understood in order to invoke change.
Reconnecting with YOU
So now that you’ve started to dig into the YOU of things, it’s time to really ponder what you’ve identified and start a course for your truly desired life destination. Take the answers and insight from the questions above and use them as a tool to help you understand yourself better. These are the positive and negative triggers and influences in your life. What changes can you start to make to create better situations and outcomes for yourself. What can you start doing or stop doing so that you can better connect with yourself? Use this insight to help you navigate relationships, friendships, environments and situations that you face each day so that you can live a better life thats focused on you, your goals and what’s best for you. Learn how to check in with yourself, listen to yourself and make decisions based on what’s best for YOU.
As always, write these exercises down in your journal, comment below or share with me directly.
Each year I give myself a mantra, theme or area of focus to help me stay grounded and goal focused. “It’s Me Time” was one of those themes. And it was during that time that I really learned to be selfish and to put me first. Though it was one of the most challenging things I’ve done, I am amazed at the immense value and impact it had on my quality of life and happiness. This wasn’t an overnight change. Rather it was a series of choices, experiences and lessons that helped me change my life into what I truly wanted it to be. These are lessons that I want to share with other women who feel stuck, so that you too can get to a happier place in life.
“It’s Me Time” is a ladies truth series that will explore the areas of life that we routinely and historically tend to let ourselves down in. I want to help you focus on Self-Care and Mastering Your Life. These are areas that we must reclaim to build ourselves up and become the stronger, happier versions of ourselves that we were always meant to be. Some of these topics will be uncomfortable for you to read and reflect upon, and just as uncomfortable for me to write. But, they will be truths that we much face, address and come to terms with if we want to change our lives. I will address the many excuses that we women give ourselves, and others, for not living the lives we desire and instead trying to adapt to an OUTDATED blueprint of life.
I’ll tell you now that this series is incomplete. Why? Because it is still developing. Each day brings new challenges, experiences, insight and growth opportunities. I invite you to follow along in the way that is most comfortable for you, whether it be silently on your own, directly with me or engaging socially by joining in on the conversation and sharing your challenges, experiences, questions and helpful advice. So if you’re not doing so already, follow me on instagram, email me directly at: flexyfitnews[at]gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook.
Your first lesson is that of SELFISHNESS
This is probably the most important lesson because it is the root of our success and failure. When we fail to realize our importance and value in our own lives, it has a skewed rippling affect on everything else in our lives. Whether we realize it or not, the way others treat us is typically a reflection of how we treat ourselves and what we allow. (Now, I’m not referring to racism or other economical, systematic injustices….let’s table that for another day.) I’m talking about those interpersonal relationships with our so-called friends, family members, co-workers, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that either contribute positively or negatively to our lives.
When we think of the word selfish, it typically comes with a negative connotation. When you read the definition below, does it make you feel like only caring for yourself is bad?
For many it does, but the thing is, it shouldn’t! I think the misleading feeling is created by the word “only”. It almost makes it seem like you have no regard for anyone else, but that is not the case. Being selfish is not about only caring for yourself, it’s about caring for you FIRST. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact there is everything right about that! So let’s rethink this. Being “Selfish” is about being devoted to caring for yourself and having your primary concern be with your own interest, benefits, welfare. Primary, means put you first. After you learn to successfully do that on the regular, then you will truly be prepared to care for others in a healthy manner.
As women, all too often, we spend time focused on everyone else instead of taking care of ourselves.
This has become an expected way of life that we are all too aware of, see the detriments of, yet still feel disempowered to change. The truth is, we can not adequately care for others without really and FULLY caring for ourselves FIRST. We are not invincible. Our bodies are aging and facing breakdown each day. The things we do (and don’t do) only further contribute to that aging and breakdown process. So we must start practicing better self care – physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually to help make positive deposits back into our life and wellness – this is what being SELFISH looks like. We have to learn to be selfish, with our time, our minds, our energy and our lives in order to have better self care. It is time to start really living our lives, instead of just tiptoeing around it.
Next Steps
So now that you know the truth about being selfish (that it’s not just okay, but it’s a necessity) what are you going to do to start making it a daily practice? Many of us want to do better, but have no idea where to start, how to start or how to make it stick. Well, that’s why you have me! I AM HERE TO HELP. So let’s get started. Grab a journal where you can keep a collection of your thoughts and notes. I want you to start by making a list of the things that you don’t currently do for yourself that you know you should be doing and also think about why you feel you don’t or aren’t able to do those things. Write it down in your journal, comment below or share with me directly.
We are all diligently waiting for the day where we can return to our normal fitness routines. Whether is a gym, small group/personal training, pole/aerial classes, bootcamps, etc. Although I’m sure gyms, studios and class/training structure won’t look anything like it did before the shutdown. There a few things that we should be prepared for as we eagerly await reentry into our physical and recreational activities.
We should be prepared for change in the sense that some of our gyms and studios may not reopen. Those that do are likely to reopen with a drastically different look and feel. For example, we may see changes in:
class length
class structure
amount of students allowed in a class
amount of classes we can take each day
amount of classes we can take each week
new instructors and loss of our favorite instructors
how or if an instructor can spot you
HAVE YOU SEEN MY GAINS?
Another precaution we all must take is recognizing the effects of inactivity and how it will impact us as we try to return to our regular routines. It’s impossible and unsafe to jump back into the level of training we were at pre Covid-19. The truth is, the majority of us will not be picking up where we left off at. Unless you were lucky enough to have a home gym, fitness equipment or pole/aerial rigging at home, and were able to continue you regular training, chances are your physical activity over the last 45 days has been a depressing fraction of what it was pre Covid-19. This means that strength and endurance has diminished and will need to be built back up. Does it mean you’re starting at ground zero? No, but it does mean that we need to ease back into activity and not jump back into level ninja.
GRADUAL RETURN TO MOVEMENT
This responsibility ultimately is on us as individuals and it starts with awareness, which is why I decided it was necessary to write this. It may be difficult for some of us to reconnect with our bodies and reconnect our bodies with skills, but it can be done! If you haven’t done so already, you an get started now, at home. There are tons of free online content that you can use to help get you moving (you can find some of my free resources here). From stretching to body weight workouts and online classes, there’s endless movement options and opportunities.You can even reach out to your instructors/trainers to see if they can create a “welcome back workout” for you to get started on. Then once your gym, studio, bootcamps and classes are open you are already primed a bit.
SMART SCHEDULING
Now when the doors do open, you still want to be sure and ease back into it. Going too hard too fast will likely result in injury, and who wants to sit out for another 45 days? Certainly not me! If you were taking 7-10 classes a week or taking back-to-back classes, you may want to start with 1 class a day and maybe 2-3 a week. It would be even better to revisit the basics and reinforce your foundation. This will help awaken your muscle memory in a safe and supportive manner.
While ultimately we as individuals are responsible for our bodies and activity, I would love to see instructors, studios and gyms work in some on-boarding and ramp up classes upon reopening. So instead of reopening with the same schedule they had at shut down, it would be great to see their schedules filled with some conditioning, foundational and “re-intro” classes for the first few weeks. Then from there students and members could level back up to more advanced trainings. This way we can safely reawaken those muscles and build back up to where we were.
This means that our growth and progress may be even more in our own hands and we may have to supplement our supervised workouts with plenty of personalized at-home workouts.
Not sure where to start on your journey back to activity? Want to start fresh a focus on the basics? I can help!
Why FLEXYFIT? Well, because flexibility and fitness actually parallel the way we live and handle our lives in so many ways. The right mindset and approach carries over to the rest of your life allowing you to unlock performance in all aspects of life. My journey to regain flexibility and fitness in my body forced me to reevaluate EVERYTHING in my life. During those times of reflection, I started to connect the dots between my personal growth and changes. I realized how my own self-care impacted the rest of my life and interactions with others and everything changed for the better once I regained control of ME. Since starting my self-care journey and redesigning my lifestyle I’ve been able to:
Leave corporate America and transitioned to a career that I LOVE!
Clear up my skin.
Learn how to take care of my hair. Getting it to a stronger, healthier state.
Pay off all my debt
Build up my credit.
Put a portion of each paycheck away and build up my savings.
Declutter my closet and my house.
Upgrade my vehicle (twice).
Learn how to say NO and mean it.
Become stronger and happier in my relationship.
Realize that I actually need LESS in life than I thought I needed and wanted.
AND SO MUCH MORE!
I realized I could apply the principles and practice of flexibility and fitness to every day life to create the life of my dreams. Sound a little crazy? Let’s get nerdy for a moment! Muscles are not designed for aesthetic appearance, but rather mechanical function (although when you take care of them they can look pretty damn good!). So, if we can get our muscles to function better, they in turn feel better and eventually look better. What that looks like applied to daily life is that if we can improve our thoughts, habits and behaviors it will not only allow us to function better but also to determine how we want our everyday life to look and feel.
So why start with flexibility and fitness? One thing harder to change than our body is our minds. Over the years, I’ve found that once a person sees (and achieves) that you can change your body, it automatically and instinctively changes the mind. And with the rediscovered personal power and insight, you can change your life and the world around you.
What happens when we are unhappy and not functioning optimally in life? Let’s get nerdy again for a second! Tightness or weakness in your muscles can lead to dysfunction in any movement or activity. This is the same in our daily lives. Habits and behaviors that don’t support the life that we desire are areas of “tightness or weakness” that result in us restricting ourselves and allowing others to restrict us. This ultimately prevents us from growth, achieving our goals and living our best lives.
By taking control of our flexibility and fitness we are taking control of our bodies and minds to become the master of our lives. We must be agile in order to navigate this thing called life. We need to be strong enough to stand up for ourselves and go after what we desire, but also flexible enough to make adjustments and adapt to situations as needed. I am here to coach you through that process and help you not only become the best version of you, but to help you create and live the life of your dreams.
Ready to get started on the next phase of your self improvement journey? I’m ready to be your coach and number 1 Fan. Contact me to get started!
