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Self Studies

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School is back in session and it’s time to major in YOU-Ology. If you really want to be good at something you have to learn it, study it, practice it, become invested in it. The same is true of yourself. If you want to master your life, you must first master you. When you study yourself, you can understand yourself and then reconnect with yourself. Why is this necessary? Well, if you aren’t clear about YOU then how can you really be clear about anyone else or anything else you encounter in life? How do you know that you are moving in a direction that’s best for you and actually what you want? If I had to guess, I’d say that the majority of us are walking around as fractures of ourselves and don’t even know it. We have an idea of what we want, we may even know who we want to be, but we’re afraid to reveal our truth… not just to the world, but to ourselves. This lack of selfawareness is NOT serving us. So let’s get back to the basics.

Studying YOU

It’s’ time to become a student of yourself and rediscover (or recreate) who you are and want to be. I want you to think about and then answer the following questions. Don’t just read them, actually think about them and write down the answers.

  • What do you like?
  • What don’t you like?
  • What do you want in life?
  • What don’t you want in life?
  • What will you tolerate?
  • What won’t you tolerate?
  • Do you find yourself tolerating things that you said you wouldn’t or that require you to compromise yourself or your beliefs?
  • How do you want to be seen? Do people see you that way?
  • How do you want to be treated? Do others treat you how you want to be treated?
  • What are your goals in life?
  • What motivates you?
  • What demotivates you?
  • What is standing in the way of where you are now and where you wish to be? How close are you to where you really want to be?
  • If you could wake up tomorrow living your dream life, what would that look like? How close does that resemble your current life?

There will be much more self-reflection and personal surveying in the near future, this is just our starting point!

Understanding YOU

Once you finish, go back to review your answers and then answer them again. Dig a little deeper this time. Look beyond the initial answer and explore the reasoning and the why behind it. For example: You might have said: “I like to be treated with respect and not talked crazy to.” (That’s reasonable!) However, you find that others don’t treat you the way you want to be treated.

Now, is that because they are mean, not understanding or disconnected from your needs? Possibly, but the most important answer (and the only one that matters) is that you allow them to treat you that way. Everything starts and ends with you. Once you realize this and set the course to change you’ll find that new doors in life open up. To help get you started, I want to share some of the most common root issues I’ve identified about what we need to understand about ourselves and what is keeping us from getting what we want out of life:

  • You don’t speak your truth.
  • You fail to establish rules or requirements.
  • You fail to enforce those rules and requirements.
  • You are scared to set boundaries.
  • You settle for what is offered/given instead of demanding what you want and are worth.
  • You may not even realize your worth.
  • You may be scared of being judged or not liked.
  • You may be worried about people and things that honestly don’t matter as much as we think they do.
  • You aren’t really sure or clear on what it is you want and the things we think we want are usually what society has convinced us we need (more on this topic later!).

The truth is, that we (especially women) most often just accept the treatment we are given. That is the root of the issue. And what is what needs to be understood in order to invoke change.

Reconnecting with YOU

So now that you’ve started to dig into the YOU of things, it’s time to really ponder what you’ve identified and start a course for your truly desired life destination. Take the answers and insight from the questions above and use them as a tool to help you understand yourself better. These are the positive and negative triggers and influences in your life. What changes can you start to make to create better situations and outcomes for yourself. What can you start doing or stop doing so that you can better connect with yourself? Use this insight to help you navigate relationships, friendships, environments and situations that you face each day so that you can live a better life thats focused on you, your goals and what’s best for you. Learn how to check in with yourself, listen to yourself and make decisions based on what’s best for YOU.

As always, write these exercises down in your journal, comment below or share with me directly.

itsmetime

It’s Me Time

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Each year I give myself a mantra, theme or area of focus to help me stay grounded and goal focused. “It’s Me Time” was one of those themes. And it was during that time that I really learned to be selfish and to put me first. Though it was one of the most challenging things I’ve done, I am amazed at the immense value and impact it had on my quality of life and happiness. This wasn’t an overnight change. Rather it was a series of choices, experiences and lessons that helped me change my life into what I truly wanted it to be. These are lessons that I want to share with other women who feel stuck, so that you too can get to a happier place in life.

“It’s Me Time” is a ladies truth series that will explore the areas of life that we routinely and historically tend to let ourselves down in. I want to help you focus on Self-Care and Mastering Your Life. These are areas that we must reclaim to build ourselves up and become the stronger, happier versions of ourselves that we were always meant to be. Some of these topics will be uncomfortable for you to read and reflect upon, and just as uncomfortable for me to write. But, they will be truths that we much face, address and come to terms with if we want to change our lives. I will address the many excuses that we women give ourselves, and others, for not living the lives we desire and instead trying to adapt to an OUTDATED blueprint of life.

I’ll tell you now that this series is incomplete. Why? Because it is still developing. Each day brings new challenges, experiences, insight and growth opportunities. I invite you to follow along in the way that is most comfortable for you, whether it be silently on your own, directly with me or engaging socially by joining in on the conversation and sharing your challenges, experiences, questions and helpful advice. So if you’re not doing so already, follow me on instagram, email me directly at: flexyfitnews[at]gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook.

Your first lesson is that of SELFISHNESS

This is probably the most important lesson because it is the root of our success and failure. When we fail to realize our importance and value in our own lives, it has a skewed rippling affect on everything else in our lives. Whether we realize it or not, the way others treat us is typically a reflection of how we treat ourselves and what we allow. (Now, I’m not referring to racism or other economical, systematic injustices….let’s table that for another day.) I’m talking about those interpersonal relationships with our so-called friends, family members, co-workers, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife that either contribute positively or negatively to our lives.

When we think of the word selfish, it typically comes with a negative connotation. When you read the definition below, does it make you feel like only caring for yourself is bad?

For many it does, but the thing is, it shouldn’t! I think the misleading feeling is created by the word “only”. It almost makes it seem like you have no regard for anyone else, but that is not the case. Being selfish is not about only caring for yourself, it’s about caring for you FIRST. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact there is everything right about that! So let’s rethink this. Being “Selfish” is about being devoted to caring for yourself and having your primary concern be with your own interest, benefits, welfare. Primary, means put you first. After you learn to successfully do that on the regular, then you will truly be prepared to care for others in a healthy manner.

As women, all too often, we spend time focused on everyone else instead of taking care of ourselves.

This has become an expected way of life that we are all too aware of, see the detriments of, yet still feel disempowered to change. The truth is, we can not adequately care for others without really and FULLY caring for ourselves FIRST. We are not invincible. Our bodies are aging and facing breakdown each day. The things we do (and don’t do) only further contribute to that aging and breakdown process. So we must start practicing better self care – physically, emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually to help make positive deposits back into our life and wellness – this is what being SELFISH looks like. We have to learn to be selfish, with our time, our minds, our energy and our lives in order to have better self care. It is time to start really living our lives, instead of just tiptoeing around it.

Next Steps

So now that you know the truth about being selfish (that it’s not just okay, but it’s a necessity) what are you going to do to start making it a daily practice? Many of us want to do better, but have no idea where to start, how to start or how to make it stick. Well, that’s why you have me! I AM HERE TO HELP. So let’s get started. Grab a journal where you can keep a collection of your thoughts and notes. I want you to start by making a list of the things that you don’t currently do for yourself that you know you should be doing and also think about why you feel you don’t or aren’t able to do those things. Write it down in your journal, comment below or share with me directly.